We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize