It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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