Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
