i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize