remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize