I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
