I puked a lego.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
