We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
