dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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