dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize