Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
