we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
