Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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