called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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