Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
