Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
