i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize