Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
