btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
