those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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