Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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