we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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