I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
