Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
