Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
