Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize