Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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