Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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