I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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