Life is so much better after having sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
