Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
