This girl is more easily done than said...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
