I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
smell my finger.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
