i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Someone shit on the floor
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I didn't notice because vodka
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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