all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
