I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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