perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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