he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
