So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
