I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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