forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
