I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
