I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
