Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
