You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
