The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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