Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
