If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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