He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
