She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
