Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
