i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize