I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
