A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
