dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
