I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
