we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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