And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
