I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish you could order shots online.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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