I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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