Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
