A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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