I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize