I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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