If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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