Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
