We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
