Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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