ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have already put on my inside pants.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
