i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
