Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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