OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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