I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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