fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
