he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
