you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
