I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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