I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
