so explain again why im purple
no
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
