Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
