She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
that's an acceptable place to lick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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