oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
