and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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