Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
