I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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