I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
