i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
