I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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