If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
