Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
