i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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