Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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