did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
