I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize