This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
